I don't pick these apart just to be nasty; I have lots of ways to amuse myself. But online dating can be frustrating and it kind of helps to vent about it on my blog. Also, I harbor a tiny hope that someone might read one of these and maybe get something out of it - a way to respond constructively or, if they recognize similarly oblivious behavior in themself, stop doing it.
So today I logged into OKC for the first time in over a month and I'm trying to get caught up on my messages. Here's one that drives me crazy - I've received a variation of this from many people. My comments are interspersed parenthetically in the pasted quoted text.
"that you have a fantasy about filling out a list of things and magically a prefect match will appear is so true! Thanks for putting it into perspective. (How did I put 'it' into perspective? What?)
I do like what you say about yourself. Good job for that... it isn't easy is it? (I spent 15 minutes writing my profile.)
I know you aren't looking for someone my age, but that doesn't mean we can't talk does it? (Yes, that's what that means, it exactly means that I DO NOT WANT emails from men in their 50s. Oh but, you REALLY want to talk to me? And that should count more than what I want? Fun!.)
I like your mind and I'd like to visit with you from time to time. (Like Santa?) I like making new friends and learning new perspectives. Maybe you'll read my profile and find it interesting enough to send me a note. (No.) That would be nice. (Still no.)
Thanks for coming back and saying what you did. It matters to me. (What? Are you drunk already?)
Best Regards"
But really - I explicitly say in my profile what age range I want, and my first paragraph was about how I fantasize about making a list of what I want and getting exactly that...so this guy reads that, sympathizes with the sentiment, and then says to himself 'I'm exactly the opposite of what she says she wants, and she also says she wants exactly what's on her list, I SHOULD TOTALLY EMAIL HER AND OFFER TO COME VISIT.' What does that even mean? He lives in the same urban area I do.
Also...why is someone emotionally touched by a complete stranger's dating profile? Is this a thing?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The day the geese stood still
I love running outside - the fresh air, the sky, the scenery, the HEAT - I love it.
Today, however, fall came to Texas.
This meant 2 things.
1: I didn't have to run before 11am/after 7pm to avoid heat stroke
2: I spent 30 minutes deciding if I needed pants, capri running tights, my long sleeve shirt, etc to run in (hey. I get cold.) only to end up wearing my normal running shorts but a short sleeve tee instead of running tank, because dude friend convinced me I'd warm up once I got out there. I did, but I was REALLY miserable the first 15 minutes.
I left the apartment at 11:30, and the sky was all overcast and gloomy and the air had this weird crispness to it. There were tons of people out running and walking in varying states of bundled-upness, proving that I'm not the only Texan whose system goes into shock when the temp gets below 70. I mean everyone was clearly ALSO excited to be outside without keeling over - when it's hot I usually only ever see one or two other joggers out in the daylight.
Anyway, I digress. But no it's kind of related to the story. I usually trot down to the high school track, where there's always other people running, I can set my water bottle on the bleachers, and families frolic in the fields while doves fly overhead and kids pitch into that batting cage thing in the corner.
It's pretty sweet. People corral their kids in that middle section while they jog around. There is usually some dried duck poo in the upper right corner of the track, but I normally amuse myself by playing hopscotch with it. I was expecting more of the same today.
I was wrong.
My track, my fields, they had no people. Empty. Creepy. The grass was a weird color, the sky was getting gloomier and I was all alone. Well, except for that cop car hanging out by that random truck with a horse trailer, which were parked oddly in the school parking lot. I don't know how to draw a cop car so for the sake of the story pretend that a blue car = the police. (This won't matter later.)
Then I noticed something else, off in the distance. The birds! The ones whose poo I'd been hopping over for months - I was finally getting to see them! But my eyesight is a little wacky, so I was like, wtf are they? Ducks or geese? Can I eat one?
Can you tell I dyed my hair red? SO CUTE. My bff and I did it before my birthday. LOVE.
Wow, that's a lot of geese. Definitely geese. Still wondering if they'd taste good. Is it poaching if I take one?How does that work? WHY DO I THINK OF THESE THINGS?
Each lap the geese start getting closer. I stare them down, hoping they know I'll eat them if given half a chance.
But then...maybe that's not a good idea. Is eye contact BAD with geese? Are they like creepy van guys, where you are supposed to make SOFT eye contact and not direct eye contact? Are they thinking about eating me too?
Holy fucking god they're swarming me. See the big leader? See how they are coming from both sides? What the fuck!! Did they eat the other runners?!?!
But then I remember the cop car. He's probably part of some special anti-geese task force, right, here to protect peole from these gangs of maurading fowl.
I really thought that. It took me 7 minutes to figure out that didn't making any freaking sense. Why WAS that cop there? Was he still there? I looked again.
The cop was still there - but he had MOVED. He'd been there 25 minutes and now he was angled straight at me.
The Xs on the track show the location of all the geese. Where were they all coming from?!
They were continuing to swarm the track, creepy cop was inexplicably watching me run...I'd had it.
TOO MUCH WEIRD.
Maybe nothing sinister was going on, but, whatever the hell it was, it was ruining my run. I was obsessing about geese and cops and horse trailers instead of thinking about whatever it is I normally think about, so I fled the scene and decided to finish my run on the trail by the canal.
Three minutes later, the cop drove by me. Then he turned around and drove by again.
Today, however, fall came to Texas.
This meant 2 things.
1: I didn't have to run before 11am/after 7pm to avoid heat stroke
2: I spent 30 minutes deciding if I needed pants, capri running tights, my long sleeve shirt, etc to run in (hey. I get cold.) only to end up wearing my normal running shorts but a short sleeve tee instead of running tank, because dude friend convinced me I'd warm up once I got out there. I did, but I was REALLY miserable the first 15 minutes.
I left the apartment at 11:30, and the sky was all overcast and gloomy and the air had this weird crispness to it. There were tons of people out running and walking in varying states of bundled-upness, proving that I'm not the only Texan whose system goes into shock when the temp gets below 70. I mean everyone was clearly ALSO excited to be outside without keeling over - when it's hot I usually only ever see one or two other joggers out in the daylight.
Anyway, I digress. But no it's kind of related to the story. I usually trot down to the high school track, where there's always other people running, I can set my water bottle on the bleachers, and families frolic in the fields while doves fly overhead and kids pitch into that batting cage thing in the corner.
It's pretty sweet. People corral their kids in that middle section while they jog around. There is usually some dried duck poo in the upper right corner of the track, but I normally amuse myself by playing hopscotch with it. I was expecting more of the same today.
I was wrong.
My track, my fields, they had no people. Empty. Creepy. The grass was a weird color, the sky was getting gloomier and I was all alone. Well, except for that cop car hanging out by that random truck with a horse trailer, which were parked oddly in the school parking lot. I don't know how to draw a cop car so for the sake of the story pretend that a blue car = the police. (This won't matter later.)
Then I noticed something else, off in the distance. The birds! The ones whose poo I'd been hopping over for months - I was finally getting to see them! But my eyesight is a little wacky, so I was like, wtf are they? Ducks or geese? Can I eat one?
Can you tell I dyed my hair red? SO CUTE. My bff and I did it before my birthday. LOVE.
Wow, that's a lot of geese. Definitely geese. Still wondering if they'd taste good. Is it poaching if I take one?How does that work? WHY DO I THINK OF THESE THINGS?
Each lap the geese start getting closer. I stare them down, hoping they know I'll eat them if given half a chance.
But then...maybe that's not a good idea. Is eye contact BAD with geese? Are they like creepy van guys, where you are supposed to make SOFT eye contact and not direct eye contact? Are they thinking about eating me too?
Holy fucking god they're swarming me. See the big leader? See how they are coming from both sides? What the fuck!! Did they eat the other runners?!?!
But then I remember the cop car. He's probably part of some special anti-geese task force, right, here to protect peole from these gangs of maurading fowl.
I really thought that. It took me 7 minutes to figure out that didn't making any freaking sense. Why WAS that cop there? Was he still there? I looked again.
The cop was still there - but he had MOVED. He'd been there 25 minutes and now he was angled straight at me.
The Xs on the track show the location of all the geese. Where were they all coming from?!
They were continuing to swarm the track, creepy cop was inexplicably watching me run...I'd had it.
TOO MUCH WEIRD.
Maybe nothing sinister was going on, but, whatever the hell it was, it was ruining my run. I was obsessing about geese and cops and horse trailers instead of thinking about whatever it is I normally think about, so I fled the scene and decided to finish my run on the trail by the canal.
Three minutes later, the cop drove by me. Then he turned around and drove by again.
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