Saturday, July 17, 2010

Cop blocked!

I'm a creature of habit. I like to have a few things every week that happen in almost exactly the same way each time, which then means that everything else can be completely batshit crazy. One of my favorite things is my weekly lunch with Ed - we've worked together so long that we are totes BFF. Also he is ridic hot. Aaaaaand he loves a good bargain.

So a few weeks ago we decide to eat at Peiwei, where you can get a free drink if you call in your order and it's not ready when you get there. He loves this and thinks it is the best thing ever - he won't call them until he's picked me up and we are on our way there so he can get free drinks.

(Wheeee! Soda!!!!)

This drives me freaking crazy, seriously. We are grownups who make decent money, we don't need to scam restaurants out of sodas - which cost, what, $1.50? Plus I end up waiting and we all know how I feel about THAT. (Hint: Not good)

This time we get there and Ed goes through his routine. Oh, the food's not ready? SURE I'll take a free drink! Thanks! And he scampers off to the soda machine, feeling like he just won something.

I sigh dramatically and move over to the waiting area when I'm faced with something that makes me realize that waiting isn't always bad....sometimes there are perks. What do I see standing a few feet away from me but a very tall, very dark, and very handsome cop. Welllll hello there, officer, can I show you my uniform fetish?His hotness has totally flustered me, which is rare. I don't fluster easily.

I'm giving him flirty glances and trying to come up with something to say to him that isn't an obvious sex invitation because, seriously, my brain has checked out, when suddenly Ed comes back and solves the problem for me by COMPLETELY AND RANDOMLY CHATTING UP THE COP.

And not in a 'oh have you met my single friend hottie mchotpants over here' kind of way, either. He is giving off some sort of vibe like HE is a cop groupie or, possibly, that we are a married couple and he is trying to pick up the cop for a 3-way. This is not helped by the fact that Ed is wearing his wedding ring, touching the cop, lots of eye contact, and kind of flirting. Ed is completely straight btw, he is just really, really friendly and enthusiastic and about as clued-in as a 4 week old puppy. He at no point mentions that we are NOT a couple nor does he even realize that I am totally wetting my panties over this cop. At least now I have an excuse to talk to the cop but I cannot seem to avoid ALSO giving the impression that Ed and I are together (remember how we've been friends for so long? We have that kind of chemistry).


No cop for me. We leave Peiwei and I am completely exasperated. I point out to Ed that he totally cop-blocked me and he was like, what? Um, Ed, hot single buff copman...very single female friend.... can you do the arithmetic here? Once he gets it Ed is completely embarassed. Agrees we may need a signal for when we're out together so I can indicate interest. I stare at him, unsure why it is not only hard for him to figure out how to do wingman stuff but also why he keeps forgetting that I might be interested in someone (it's rare, but IT HAPPENS.)

Here is the serious part:

I was teasing Ed about this again a few weeks later, because we give each other shit all the time, when he suddenly gets serious and says 'Well, you wouldn't really want to date a cop anyway."

I wouldn't?

No, he says, they are in danger all the time, etc. I start to think about it and realize that yes, I know it's a dangerous job. I don't know how Dallas stacks up with other cities for cop injury rates but I it any more dangerous than walking around while female? I mean, given the rate of violence against women, is a police officer in Dallas more statistically likely to be injured in the course of his career than a woman is just for being female? I don't think I'm expressing it well and I'm certainly not trying to sound inflammatory but...yeah. Being a woman is a dangerous business, and we do it all day and all night every day of the year.

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