Friday, July 23, 2010

Too High

The summer between high school and college was one big party. Friends, partying, boyfriend, working, etc. The only problem I had was trying to figure out the logistics of having sex with boyfriend since he lived with his parents and I was living with my best friend's family (long story). One night our friend invited us over to where he was housesitting for the weekend. I told my temporary family some obvious lie about sleeping over at a friend's house and started planning for sessytimes. I pictured a sultry scene with me lounging around and boyfriend getting ready to pounce on me.

But, of course, our friends were not on the same page as far as expecting me and boyfriend to use this opportunity to have crazy monkey sex as soon as we got there. We had to socialize. These were boyfriend's friends, and they all had something in common - something I had never tried before.

Our friend came out with some snacks. Everyone perked up at this.

I looked at the pot brownies and thought to myself - why the hell not. If I'm ever going to try drugs, it might as well be with boyfriend and friends of ours that I can trust. I mean these guys were high all the time, they were way too stoned to ever lace the drugs with anything or try to do anything icky to me. I wasn't a big drinker and I'd never been drunk or even tried cigarettes. So I grabbed a brownie and took a tentative bite.
The next hour was a blur, a hazy montage of deep throating brownies and doublefisting joints. I'd been rolling joints for bf for months so I was a pro at that.

Oh yes - OH HELL YES. I suddenly became ravenously hungry and crazy horny.

I begged boyfriend to get me a burger. I was going to DIE if I didn't get a bacon cheeseburger RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. And then have sex.

So boyfriend saddled up and drove to the nearest Burger King. I went up to the room we were supposed to sleep in and started fantasizing about both my upcoming bacon burger and the crazy wild monkey sex. The excitement kept me going for about three minutes, and then....

I passed out. HARD. So. Hard. Boyfriend appeared with a bag of fast food and a giant erection and found me drooling on the borrowed bed. I woke up long enough to take two bites of burger and then fell back asleep. He went downstairs and continued to get wasted with the guys. I ended up with no burger, and no booty.

The moral of the story:


  1. Next time eat a burger that has weed in it while having sex, mkay?!

  2. Yeah, when I got high, I couldn't even speak let alone fuck. I never want to be in a condition where I can't fuck!!
    And THIS is why I'll never smoke weed again!

    Holy shit! My word verification word was "olehemp." "OleHEMP"! Coincidence?! I THINK NOT!!

  3. I ate pot brownies ONCE. I stared at a white wall for 4 hours straight.

  4. I ate pot brownies at my friend's apartment and found myself waking up in a theater with my sorority little sister and fellow brownie-eating friends seeing "Closer" (spoiler: it sucks). Upon awaking, I realized my hand was in a jumbo-sized bucket of popcorn. I'm sure you can imagine my joy upon this discovery!