Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How I got banned from gas station

When I was in high school I had a super awesome VW Rabbit diesel. It's name was The Cloud (clouds aren't blue, but in my defense, I was 16). My HS bestie and I were terrorizing our small town when I realized I was running out of fuel. There were exactly two gas stations in my town which supplied diesel. We pulled in to one of them. The other one was a mile away, which in our tiny town seemed far. I was totally broke but I found $5 in my pocket and, back in the day, that was enough to get me almost half a tank! But I wanted to save $1 so I could get a taco. Still, $4 was a respectable amount of gas, multiple gallons even.
I pulled the nozzle out and flipped up the pump lever. Back then you didn't pay before you pumped, so you had to really watch the pump to make sure you didn't get more gas than you could afford and still be able to get a taco. I love tacos. As I was moving the nozzle towards my gas tank something happened - the pump malfunctioned or something - and diesel starting spraying ALL OVER MY CAR. BFF frantically rolled up the window while I stared in shock at the fuel going all over my car. I didn't know what to do because I wasn't squeezing the handle. Since I hadn't started it I didn't know how to make it stop. None of the other people at the gas station came over to help me as I continued to spray diesel on my car. BFF was screaming at me 'make it stop! make it stop!'
Were we going to catch on FIRE? And EXPLODE? I didn't know.
All I knew was that we were being attacked by an evil gas monster that clearly intended to drown me, The Cloud, and BFF.

Finally I figured out to flip down the lever on the pump and the diesel stopped spraying all over my car. The gas station manager ran out and starting screaming at me, telling me I had to pay for the gas (diesel). I looked over at the pump and realized I had managed to spray $22.74 worth of diesel on the car and the ground. BFF came out of the car, grabbed some paper towels, and started wiping down the car. I was still in shock. Gas station man was still yelling at me. Really, dipshit? I started crying and mumbling that I only meant to get $4 worth of diesel. I knew enough not to mention the taco. This sent gas station man into a hysterical rage. (In hindsight? Clearly he should have used the emergency shutoff switch. I don't know if he was asleep or jacking off in the bathroom but he was a complete asshole). He managed to drag me into the gas station and continued to yell at me.
Finally my evil twin had enough and took over. I don't know what I said, but I know I called him a little fucker and told him he couldn't charge me because his pump malfunctioned all over my car, and that if anything happened to The Cloud as a result of the diesel attack I'd be coming back. He took my $5 (no taco) and I gave him a lingering death glare before scuttling out to my car. (My evil twin side wasn't fully grown yet, and this small battle wore her out). He yelled at me to never ever come back. Somehow when I got in the car I had a few gallons of diesel in the tank (BFF?) and I drove off, smelling like gas, banned from one of the two gas stations in town with diesel, and with a 10 year phobia of pumping my own gas.

UPDATE: I sent this to my high school BFF, who informed me that the gas station was torn down and replaced by a Safeway parking lot. I WIN IN THE END, EVIL GAS STATION MONSTER!!

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