Monday, July 12, 2010

Drive thru drama

Ever have a rage blackout? I do! Not so regularly now as back when I was in college (oh, the stories I hear but don't remember because it really was a blackout from rage, hahahaha) but they do still happen. This one came back to me a few hours later.

So here is how it started. I left work super exhausted because I was still getting over being sick but I had a fuckton of work to do. By the time I left I was already fighting to not tell someone to go eat a dick for asking me a stupid question. Here is a rough sketch of me right then; please note, I am still holding it together but you can see by my slightly squirrelly eyes and wonky hair that all is not well with me. In fact, my evil twin really wanted to be let out to play.

I decided on the way home that what I really needed to get my shit together was some grilled chicken from KFC. MMMMM grilled chicken! I zoomed home, somehow avoiding the craptastic traffic. I pulled into the KFC/Taco Hut parking lot near my apartment, ecstatic to see just a few cars in the drive thru line (I hate waiting. If I see more than 3 cars waiting to get to the talking part, I take off). I pulled into line, noticing that the lady in front of me was not pulling up as close to the person in front of her as is traditional, but she seemed to catch on soon enough that she needed to pull up. We moved along until it was my turn to order. The lady in the white SUV again didn't pull up enough and this time it was preventing me from reaching the talking box. I tapped my horn politely, she scooted up, and I ordered my chicken. As soon as I ordered I felt myself relaxing. Soon I would have two pieces of dark meat grilled chicken! So happy. We pulled up again, so there were now just 2 cars in front of me.

That's when things started to fall apart. I smelled something burning coming from the drive thru window. I didn't see any smoke and there didn't seem to be any screaming or running around, so I thought, alrighty. Chicken soon. Chicken. (That was literally my train of thought. A train full of chicken fantasies.)

Car pulls out and white SUV lady is at the window. We wait.

Seven minutes later, we're still waiting. I start to wonder what the fuck is going on. Then I settle down, thinking, chicken.

A guy sticks his out out the drive thru window and looks down the line of cars. I look behind me, but no, nothing exciting. Then I try to figure out what he was looking at. More nothing.

Five minutes later I start to panic. Are they out of chicken? Am I going to be stuck here forever? I'm wedged between the white SUV in front of me and a GIANT red pickup truck behind me. I feel trapped. I take my shoes off to relieve some tension, and tentatively think, chicken? That didn't work. Three cars (that hadn't ordered yet) pull around and take off.

I want to leave too but I am super stuck. I'm tormented by the thought that if I give up and somehow get out of the line (and don't forget, I'm seriously the second person in line) that as soon as I drive off the lady in front of me will get her food and I will have just barely missed out on my chicken. I start trying to remember if I saw her pay. Are the credit card machines down? After five minutes of this I realize that there is really no way I am going to solve this problem for any of us and for the sake of my own sanity, and for the safety of everyone, I should probably leave. Also I was feeling really lightheaded.

I turned my wheel, inched forward, turned on my little blinker, and tapped my horn. No response. Guy behind me starts yelling, asking wtf is going on. I decided I REALLY need to leave before this turns into some kind of chicken riot or reality TV stunt. I honk more. Still nothing.

So I yell out my window and ask the lady in front of me to move up. I honk again and hold it down, then ask her more firmly to move up and let me out.

She yells at me 'back up!'

I look behind me in case the earth has swallowed up the mass of cars in line behind me, but no. The big red pickup is still 3 inches from my rear bumper, and the person behind him is just as close. I decide this bitch is crazy.

So I start screaming at her (because, obvs, that works with crazy people) "Pull UP, lady, and let me OUT!" She yells back "If I pull up then the people behind you will just pull up too!"

What the fuck does that even mean? Is she afraid of losing her spot at the window?

(Side note: At this KFC, just like the other fast food places around here and I assume in most places, if there is something about your particular order that will take a couple minutes longer than normal they ask you to pull up and they will walk the food to your car, and everyone else can go on there merry way. I had assumed they had a more widespread issue since they hadn't waved her on, but her bizarre response made me wonder. Also, the drive through guy kept sticking his head out the window and looking at the cars.)

She AGAIN tells me to back up. I look at my clock and realize I've been here for 25 minutes with no end in sight and no explanation for what is going on. I really want to go home and play with my Wii.

I tell her to 'move her fucking car and let me the fuck out' and start honking like a madwoman. She's waving her hands around frantically like she doesn't know what to do. The guy behind me is grumpy, and I'm contemplating getting out of my car. I cannot believe she is being so stubborn. I yell up, exasperated 'two feet!'(waving 2 fingers in the air) 'you just have to move two feet to let me the fuck out!'

This is what I looked like at that point:

She must have seen something in her rearview mirror because she finally said 'Fine! Just leave!' and inched forward just enough for me to escape. I guess she felt like I was abandoning her? Too bad for her, guilt trips don't even work on me when I give a shit about the person trying it. I cannot believe that she was arguing with a potentially psychotic stranger about moving forward 12 inches to let me out. And where the fuck was the manager of the KFC for those 25 minutes? Why was he not coming out and letting us know what the hell was going on? They could still be there for all I know.

I came home, made some macaroni & cheese, and totally spaced it until just now. I truly believe that if I in any way thought that it would help me getting my chicken I would have happily removed that woman forcefully from the drive thru line.

1 comment:

  1. That's a lot to go through for chicken. And you aren't even black.